Diaper explosions

Diaper changing sessions can be a real mess.
Diaper changing sessions can be a real mess.
I’m enjoying a short moment of respite as I eat my lunch right now and type this.

About an hour ago, Jamie just did his first poop of the day and it wasn’t pretty. As usual, I did my best to salvage the situation by trying to take off his pants quickly and pull up his shirt before lying him down on the changing table to clean him up and swap his soiled diaper for a new one.

But alas, it was all in vain. The poop, being huge in quantity and watery in nature, had somehow already made its escape from the confines of the diaper and was not only smeared across the back of Jamie’s white pants, but had also managed to make its way onto the surface of the changing table as well.

Never mind the mess, just as I’m about to get down to the task at hand, Jamie starts wailing. It’s as if he knows he’s done something naughty which he shouldn’t have and crying was his way of showing remorse.

Well, whether that is truly what he felt or whether it was something else that caused him to be upset, I’ll never really know since the poor tot has yet to be able to converse in a language that I can comprehend.

All I did know was that there was a big, big mess to be cleaned up and it’s really tough to do so with a screaming, squirming baby.

Well, as with all the diaper explosions in times past, somehow the mess is always able to be tidied up despite how extensive the damage caused. It just takes patience and keeping a cool, calm head above all the noise and temporary dirtiness that you have on your hands.

For any childless readers out there who thought diaper changes are a straightforward, quick affair, let me tell you straight: This is most certainly NOT the case.

Breastfed poop can be often watery, hence no matter how recent the last diaper change had been and how empty and clean the diaper was prior to the poop download, leaks will still occur. The most you can hope for is to be carrying the baby in your arms when it happens and not have him lying down in the cot/bouncer/rocker/stroller/etc. Because that would just mean there would be potentially another surface you would have to clean.

But the good news, I guess, is that breastfed poo isn’t as smelly as adult poo. In fact, God was kind enough to make the fecal matter yellow in colour so as to help you distinguish it from your own dark coloured crap.

While I’m on this shitty topic (literally), I might as well tell you also that there’s always the chance that as you’re in the midst of changing a baby’s diaper, he might just decide to poop a little extra or pee a tiny puddle to test your endurance.

In fact, it might even occur just as you’ve placed the fresh, clean diaper under his butt.

Oh, and if like me, you’re dealing with a boy, be wary that the pee isn’t aimed in your direction. Otherwise, you’ll have your own clothes to wash along with your baby’s. Hehe.

I recall a lunch my husband and I had with our marriage counsellors not long after Jamie was born.

“So, have you been baptised in all ways possible by now?” One of the them teased.

We could only laugh in response because we had. I think all parents have. It’s an essential rite of passage to earn you the title of Mum or Dad.

But really, it isn’t so bad. You’ll survive it.

And come to think of it, if you can make it through an infant poop blowout, I think other things in life should be a cinch.

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